I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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