Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
