she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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