My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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