Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
