My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
