If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
