2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
God, I missed his penis.
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