True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
