thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
