I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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