Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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