so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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