Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
