im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
