you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All the doctor said was why
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
