I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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