I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
