She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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