I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
