is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
