I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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