The maid of honor just puked.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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