Christians are straight up FREAKS
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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