At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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