she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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