He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
the raccoons are back...
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