you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
