eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
