I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
