This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
