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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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