i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
