My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
