vagina is talking i cant
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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