the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
