i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
