the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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