Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize