I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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