i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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