So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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