Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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