I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
