pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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