Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize