I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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