oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
