just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
