Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
