She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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