awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
