I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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