I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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