...so i touched it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize