Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
