Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
