what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
