wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
