Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
