I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bring me that man meat
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
